The Liar and the Truth

There are two of me inside this head of mine.  At least that’s the current count.  I didn’t realize this as kid.  I didn’t realize that there was the side of me that recognizes the truth and there’s a side of me that lies its ass off.  That Liar fed me so many negative messages that I didn’t know what the Truth was.

Worthless, ugly, uncool, unaccepted, fat…

Especially fat.  And I wasn’t!  I don’t know when I decided I was fat, but I’ve believed that for most of my life.  Sometimes it was the truth.  And I think that preset thought in my head just made it even easier to make fat a truth.  I was unhappy and felt out of control of so many aspects of my life.  But in food, I found a momentary comfort.  I found a way to escape the unhappiness even if just for a few minutes.  The problem is that when those minutes were over, the root of the problem was still there.  That’s the kicker really.  When the unhappiness resides in you, you can’t mask it forever.

There are real, sometimes scary feelings that must be dealt with.  Resentment, anger, sadness, disappointment.  When staring down a wall that you built out of these feelings, it can seem impossible to overcome.  It took me many years to even start chipping away at that wall.  And sometimes I still find myself trying to fortify it instead of tearing it down.

What changed for me?  What gave me the strength to even start trying to change my thinking?  I’m not sure.  Time, age, persistence.  There were many small things that slowly led me to the place where I am now able to recognize which voice in my head is which.

It took learning in my heart (not just know it in my head) that I didn’t have to do anything or be/act a certain way for God to love me.  He already did and nothing I did could change that.  Understanding that gave me the freedom to look at myself and learn who I really am.  Not the person I tried to put forth as Miss Goody Two Shoes who does no wrong.  It gave me freedom to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes.  It gave me courage to try new things and if those things didn’t work out for me, then that’s ok too.

And as I work through this process of getting to know myself, I started to learn that I’m pretty awesome just the way I am.  I am worthy of love and acceptance.  And it is up to me to show myself that same love and acceptance.  For me, that means eating right and exercising.

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A Letter Ten Years in the Making

August was going to be my month to get back into this blogging adventure.  It’s now 7 days in and I haven’t done anything.  I needed a push to get going.  Thankfully, Brittany, Herself, stepped in with an August Body Blogging challenge.  Brittany provided 31 prompts and challenged us to write our faces off.

Because I feel like there is so much that has happened and so much growth that has happened in the last 10 years, I’m starting with prompt #1:

Write a letter to yourself 10 years ago.  What do you know now, that you wish you’d known then?

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Song for the Summer

Today’s Daily Prompt is:

Musical Marker

We all have songs that remind us of specific periods and events in our lives. Twenty years from now, which song will remind you of the summer of 2014?

This is hard to say.  I have do have several songs that remind of different times in my life.  Will Smith’s “Summertime” will always be the Summer of 1991 at the County Fair.  Garth Brooks “Shameless” (really that entire album) is the Summer of 1992.  And The Proclaimers “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” will always be the Spring and Summer of 1993.  But thing with those songs is that there are also specific people that are tied in with those memories.  Usual whomever I was currently crushing on at the time, but also other friends that were there.  -“500 Miles” is actually my husband’s and my song.  Our first date was to see Benny and Joon and that song was in it.-

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Short version… not dead.

Sherlock and I.  Still tight.  Not dead.

Sherlock and I. Still tight. Not dead.

Today marks my one year anniversary at my “new” job.  It also marks the day I ran out of time for daily blogging.  And I miss it.

I don’t think I have it in me to ramble on daily again.  I get palpitations just trying to figure out when I can find the time to fit it in.  But I am going to make a more concerted effort to get my thoughts out of my head and down on paper internet again.

In a quick recap, since I last blogged on November 28th:

Christmas, New Years, cold, snow, cold, snow, finally Spring, started landscaping the front of the house, planted garden, finally Summer(!), 4th of July, haircut, today.

I’m totally glossing over so many good and bad things and that’s part of why I want to get back to writing all of this down.  I don’t want to forget any of it.  So, this is me, saying that I’m going to be popping in much more often.  I need to sit down and do some brainstorming and planning on what exactly I want to accomplish here, but I’m back.

I'm back!

I’m back!

 

 

30 Day Challenge: Gratitude: Day 28

Nighttime:

28nighttime

I’m fascinated with space and the stars.  When I’m outside at night, you’ll usually find me looking up.

Note: I am following the suggested prompts from Positively Present’s 30 Day Photo Challenge: Gratitude from last year.  Please join in!  Visit and like the Life With the Girl Next Door facebook page and share your gratitude photos with the rest of the community!

30 Day Challenge: Gratitude: Day 27

Daily Routine:

27daily

It’s not the exact same everyday, but a lot of what is on the grid is what I’m doing each day.

Note: I am following the suggested prompts from Positively Present’s 30 Day Photo Challenge: Gratitude from last year.  Please join in!  Visit and like the Life With the Girl Next Door facebook page and share your gratitude photos with the rest of the community!

 

30 Day Challenge: Gratitude: Day 26

Transportation:

26transportation

What I want to drive on what I actually drive.  :)

Note: I am following the suggested prompts from Positively Present’s 30 Day Photo Challenge: Gratitude from last year.  Please join in!  Visit and like the Life With the Girl Next Door facebook page and share your gratitude photos with the rest of the community!